Down-in-the-dump-slump-lite!
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Some days I
can’t lose for winning.
Sunrise, up
earlier than I wanted. I moped around, felt mildly depressed. Not real
depression. Real depression is serious stuff. Me, I’m in sort of a
down-in-the-dumps lite.
Ice-cream
for breakfast sounds good. Will ice-cream help? But my freezer is empty. I
haven’t had ice-cream for weeks. Back in the easy-peasy days before Covid, I
bought hand-packed ice-cream from a woman in town. But knowing precautions were
loosely held in that tienda, I quit buying it.
Then a
couple months ago, Ana and Michelle, on one of their shopping expeditions,
brought me even better ice-cream from the Big City. Last week they asked for my
shopping list, not knowing when they were going, but soon. Or maybe soon.
While eating
breakfast with a real book propped in front of my plate, the phone rang. I
didn’t have a book mark handy so I slid a playing card from the deck to hold my
place.
Perhaps an
hour later, the morning still young, I grabbed my deck of cards to play a
couple hands of Solitaire, to keep my fingers nimble and to let my mind float.
If I give my hand and eyes a mindless task, my mind will, all on its own, solve
all manner of problems. Sometimes.
“Playing
Solitaire till dawn, with a deck of fifty-one.” Remember that one? The nine of
hearts still marked my place in a book by Coetze. Do you think I might be low
down?
But, I
dragged myself out for my morning walk, resumed after a week plus of wildfire
smoke. When I stepped out the door, a road runner skittered across my patio. The
critter, indigenous to the area, is seldom seen. It made me laugh.
My problem
is, I’m incapable of maintaining a good slump. Thankfully. I know that tomorrow
will be different. No matter what, Tomorrow will be different. (Notice I didn’t
say ‘better’, just ‘different’.)
I know how
to feed and nurture my personal low-pressure system. If I wanted, I would not
get dressed or make the bed. Close the curtains. Unplug the phone. Eat junk
food and leave dirty dishes. Go through old photos, listen to sad music from
the past. I highly recommend my method because it becomes tiresome, even
boring, very quickly.
Lows and
highs pass. I give them a nod of acknowledgement and carry on.
Bird-watching,
enjoying their antics, helps to shore up my spirits. But I’m not St. Francis.
Birds don’t land on my shoulder and nuzzle my cheek. Oh, what I would give for
a cheek nuzzle. Color that one happy/sad.
My
walk-about included my back yard garden/orchard. I noticed the bucketful of
peas was ready for picking, enough for a good meal. I snagged a ripe tomato
from the manic-magical tomato vine, holdover from last year.
As long as I
was outside, I grabbed a book and walked over to see John and Carol. There
aren’t many people here with whom I can share poetry. I read them a couple
favorite poems by Cavafy. Good moments.
Evidently I
wasn’t ready to give up on glum and gloom. We talked about their plans to return
north in a month. Lani is going north about the same time. Summer means
empty-houses on the rancho. Usually I mourn after my neighbors have gone, not a
month before they pack their bags. See what I mean? Every up has a down?
In the
afternoon, I learned that second vaccinations are underway in all the towns
around us. I could well slide down that slippery slope to slump at the bottom.
But, I’m in the middle of cutting back my lavender. I’ve only energy for one
thing at a time. Maybe our turn will roll around next week. The woman at the
hospital said, “Soon.” Soon, but not with a date.
Hot diggity.
Michelle and Ana just drove in from shopping in Guadalajara. Hooray for me.
They brought me French Roast coffee beans and Vanilla ice-cream. I’d like to
say the two most important things from the list I gave them last week, but it
happens they were the only items available, which vastly increased their
importance.
If I hadn’t already
eaten, I’d be tempted to sit down with the carton of ice-cream and a spoon and
eat the whole thing. Not today.
But I give
myself permission to gorge on ice-cream tomorrow. Do you think it will help?
Sondra
Ashton
HDN: Looking
out my back door
April 15,
2021
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