To Be or Not to Be

 

               To Be or Not to Be

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I’m a “doer”. It’s the way I was raised up. My family never sat me down and discussed choices. If “be” came into any discussion, it was accompanied with a “not”, such as, “do not be idle”. Ever.

There is nothing wrong with that. It served me well. I suspect Life gives us what we need to cope.

Along the years I became aware that my life worked better if I balanced “do” with a smidgeon of “be”. Little bits at a time. Things like a day at the hot springs with the kids. Or an afternoon walk along the river. Little bits.

Then came physical challenges that nudged me to choose retirement and a whole new way of life came into being for me. I’ve never run out of things to do, things to do that I like to do. I gradually developed a “guide”, if you will, or way to approach each day.

Every morning I begin with a list, mental or written, of things to do. By one or two o’clock, I’ve pretty much finished my list. With one exception. I like to leave one of the items listed for tomorrow, sort of a seed. That leaves me my afternoon free to relax, read, putter in plants, just “be”.

It never works, of course. The list gets muddled. Opportunities for being come in the morning. I pay attention. Sometimes afternoon gives over to doing. Almost always, life brings an entirely different agenda than mine.

Take the other day, for example. I had a quite extensive list of things I intended to do. My phone rang at 8:30 in the morning. Leo asked, “Would you like to go to Oconahua for breakfast?” There is a small open-air eatery with excellent food.

“Yes, of course.” After we’d eaten breakfast, I asked Leo if he’d take me to the little hospital for a flu shot, one of the items on my floating list, and then as long as we were back in Etzatlan, I’d do a little grocery shopping. My plan.

After my flu shot I revised my plan. “I feel really good, Leo, but I’d like to go home. I can give you my grocery list.”

Doctors here in Mexico advise us to take the day, to do no work, after any kind of vaccination. It makes sense. Being a compliant patient, (here I sense every doctor I’ve ever had cringe at that outright untruth), I spent the entire rest of the day immersed in a good book. I bumped my list of things-to-do into tomorrow.

The following day, still feeling quite healthy, I also felt that I wanted another do-nothing day. So I granted that gift to myself. Bumped my list into the next tomorrow.

This went on for three entire days. Mind you, I’m not a total sloth. Lots of little things got done. Dishes did not pile in the sink. The bed got made daily. Lola got fed and walked. I took care of myself. Cooked my meals. Visited with friends, some I went to, some came to me.

Along the way, I paid attention. Little things, mostly. A pair of Western Tanagers in the bottle brush tree, surrounded by six fledgling hummingbirds, all feeding on the flowers that look like brushes. Hours out in the mottled shade of the mango tree, just watching, listening, smelling, feeling the breeze, being. I spent some hours thinking about my mother and her side of my family, felt another layer of my personal onion skin peel away. That kind of being.

Those three days gifted me. I didn’t set out looking for anything, no agenda at all. It’s hard for me to put this into words. I feel more complete. Grounded in a better way or different way. The simple moments are the most precious.

Guess what! My list of things to do did not disappear. It’s all still there for me to do. Tomorrow I absolutely must mop the floor and iron that pile of clothing before the pieces begin mating and multiplying. Absolutely must. Unless something or someone comes along to change my mind. Life. Ya gotta love it.

Sondra Ashton

HWC: Looking out my back door

December 18, 2025

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