She’s An Angel—She’s A Devil
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It is dangerous to invite a stranger
into one’s home, one’s sanctuary. Can the guest be trusted to display simple
rudimentary manners? What if we’re not compatible? What if our schedules don’t
mesh? Will there be food issues? What if we end up eye-balling one another with
death wishes?
A thousand considerations must be
addressed. Yet, on impulse, I invited Cat Ballou into my home a mere month ago.
Fortunately, she is bi-lingual.
Unfortunately, within a couple days
I found myself cuddling the little fur-ball beneath my chin, while making baby
coo noises in her ear, a habit I find repulsive in mature, adult women. Strike
One against me.
I also think it tacky, tasteless and
pathetic when people write about a pet animal giving it human
characteristics. So far I’m not doing
well on my pet-owner scale.
To my credit, Cat Ballou and I had
several serious talks, in adult language, those first days. I talked; she
listened. She is pure cat and gave me no hint of her perceptions. Probably, if
cat thought could be translated into human language, she saw my mouth flapping
and heard blah, blah, blah, Kitty.
I don’t mind. Intonation is
everything. Ask my children.
Nevertheless,
I set my boundaries; after all, it is my home. My commandments are simple.
1. Thou Shalt Not Shred My Furniture.
2. Thou Shalt Not Shred My Tissue Paper
Skin.
The Tooth and Claw commandments have been obeyed since day
one. Like her namesake, Cat Ballou is an angel; she is a devil. But she plays
gently and respects my furniture and my fingers.
3. Thou Shalt Not Jump on The Table.
This simple directive includes my computer desk and
countertops. A cat’s nature is to be curious, to inspect every inch of
territory. Whack! Physical removal coupled with harsh words did the trick.
Quick learner, that girl. Who knows what
happens when I’m not around. (Sigh.)
4. Thou Shalt Not Require In-house
Litter Box.
Smart cat. She quickly adapted to outdoor facilities. She tells me when
she wants in. She tells me when she wants out. Let’s not discuss who trained
whom.
5. Thou Shalt Be True to Thy Hunter
Nature.
My preference is an outside cat with indoor privileges. No
pampered freeloader lives at my house.
On the ranch we are surrounded by corn fields. Mice and other
rodents have no respect for fence lines. Soon, Cat Ballou will begin to leave
trophies of her prowess on the doorstep. Soon, I’ll open the door in the
morning to mouse tails, lizard legs, or bird feathers. Meanwhile, she is a
kitten, in elementary school, so to speak.
One evening as the moon was waxing full. Squeaky, Lani’s nasty
male cat showed up at my door, full of curiosity, wanting to be social. Squeaky
had never before set paw on my patio. Squeaky, though neutered, exhibits a
disgusting tendency to want to paw the merchandise. He’s much older. He’s been
around the block more than once, the cad.
Cat Ballou arched her back, every hair stood high. She spit.
She snarled. I praised her good sense. I’m trying to raise a good Catholic
girl. Hail Mary.
Squeaky yawned. He glanced back at me with, I swear, a
cunning smirk.
That night the little tramp didn’t slink home until 1:00 in
the morning. Then she rubbed against my back the rest of the night, purr motor
rumbling on high.
The next night Squeaky showed up at sundown, looking forlorn
and abashed, a typical suitor. The night was beautiful. Full moon. I walked the
floor. Ballou didn’t come home until 2:15.
I added a new directive.
6. Thou Shalt Not Consort With Lowlife
Neighbor Cats.
My Little Missy is grounded. Some
nights she foils me and refuses to come in at dark. Some nights she saunters in
at dawn’s early light. Well, it didn’t work for my children either.
Next week we return to the vet for
booster shots and to set a date for that essential surgery.
That day cannot
come too soon.
Sondra
Ashton
HDN: Looking
out my back door
October 19,
2017
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