Cat Fight—Middle of the Night

                                                                Cat Fight—Middle of the Night

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            I woke up disoriented. Two voices squealed and shrieked. It took me a while to recognize Ruth, my prosthetic knee acquired in India six years ago, and Rosie, my Mexican hip of five weeks. 

Who would believe titanium body parts could speak.

Ruth: I was here first. You act like you are so important, hogging all the attention.

Rosie: So what! You’re just a bully, always trying to boss me around. You had her to yourself for six years, selfish pig.

Ruth: Shut up! You’re such a prima donna.

Rosie:  Oh, are your little feelings hurt? Metal mouth!

Ruth: Tin can!

Rosie: You are so “kneedy”.

Ruth: Big hippy!

Rosie: You welcomed me when I first arrived. I thought we were friends.

Ruth: Well, yes. But that was before you sucked up all the attention. Big baby.

Rosie: It’s not my fault. You’re used to having her all to yourself.

Ruth: Yes, I am. And I liked it that way.

Moment of ominous silence.

Ruth: Er. But you’re right. I suppose. In a way. Sorta. I guess we could share.

Rosie: We are supposed to support one another. That’s why we’re here—to help each other and to help her. Now I feel sort of sheepish.

Ruth: I admit it is easier for me in a lot of ways since you came to live here. Little things mostly. Like putting on shoes and socks. Everyday stuff.

Rosie: Truce?

Ruth: Yeah, I got a bit selfish.

Rosie: And I admit. I am sort of a show-off.

Ruth and Rosie together: But if we work together . . . (Giggles.)

Ruth: It will be easier for both of us. I think I got upset when Arturo, your personal terrorist, I mean, physical therapist, insisted that I do all the same exercises that you do. I’ve already done all that work once. But he’s smart. He wants to strengthen both legs.

Rosie: I understand. When her hip gave out, both legs lost strength. It is hard work for us now. But a few more weeks and I’ll be old news and she’ll ignore me.

Ruth: Just like she ignores me—most of the time, anyway. Sorry that my nose got out of joint.

Rosie: Don’t say that! She might decide to go get a new nose!

Ruth: Let’s take a walk. Or would you rather exercise first?

“Hey, you two. It’s still the middle of the night. Get back in bed. I love you both. Shut up and go to sleep.”

I never heard another peep.

Sondra Ashton

HDN: Looking out my back door

March 12, 2015

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