The Montana Solution to His Canadian
Chain Saw Quandary
“I don’t know what to do,” said Kathy. “Richard thinks he has
to have a chain saw. I keep telling him we don’t have money in the budget for a
chain saw, but you know Richard. He is researching for the perfect model.”
“Are you sure he hasn’t already bought one? Did you check to
see if he has one hidden in the trunk of the car? And, whatever you do, don’t
take any trips without Richard.” When Kathy and I go on a trip, Richard often
takes the opportunity to buy his latest coveted item, whether toy or
“necessity”. He always lands an irresistible deal.
Kathy and Richard recently moved to the
country, to a 1920’s cottage on Pender Island in British Columbia. It is a real
fixer-upper but it has sound bones and is well worth the work. Part of the
property is an apple-orchard, part of the land is overgrown. So they alternate
house renovation work with brush cutting and pruning on the “farm”.
“I’ll search the trunk to make sure,” said Kathy, “but I
don’t think he has bought it yet. He keeps talking about the comparative
benefits of several brands. You know Richard. He’ll want the most expensive
chain saw on the market and he’ll come up with reasons why it’s such a good
buy. If we really need one, my brother John will bring his over. I’m terrified
what Richard might do if he actually had a chain saw.”
Richard is a physician, a jazz
aficionado, an astute and learned man. He is well-read. He is gentle and
loving. He is a wonderful listener. He is not mechanical. He is not a he-man-machine
kind of guy. A chain saw in Richard’s hands could do serious damage.
“There goes the apple orchard,” I said, while visions of
Richard on the loose with a chain saw ripped through my head. “Worse yet, there
goes Richard’s leg.”
The months have
slipped by since our conversation. So far my friend has not bought a chain saw.
However, he periodically renews the quest. I know Richard well. Eventually he
will buy his chain saw.
So, when at the Annual Flea Market in Loma, I saw the chain
saw display, my eyes bugged out. Immediately I thought of Richard. “Oh, this is
too perfect,” I said. I was so excited that I was almost dancing.
What a fun event the Flea Market was. Vendors came from all
over with an un-ending variety of stuff to enjoy, goods to buy, food to eat and
all under one roof. At the same time, throughout the little town, several
people held their own garage sale. It was at such a sale that I found the chain
saw.
When I got home that night I phoned Kathy and Richard, “Your
troubles are over, Richard. I found you THE chain saw of your dreams. I knew I had
to get it, no matter the cost. It was such a great deal that I couldn’t pass it
up. I’m so excited. Richard, I know you have wanted one of these since you
moved to Pender Island. I will ship it to you on Monday.
Kathy said, “I’m not sure whether I am still talking with
you. What were you thinking?”
I ignored her. “Richard, it is complete—you will not have to
buy any accessories. And, Kathy, it is the safety features that impressed me. I
have been around chain saws all my life and never have I seen one like this. It
is in perfect condition. When it arrives I want photos. Oops, the time. Gotta
go! Love you.”
I have been cackling up my sleeve ever since. They will
probably get the package next Monday. I wish I could be a bug on their wall and
see the look on their faces when they open the box. For customs I declared the
five dollar value that the Montana Chain Saw cost me at the garage sale. It is
a perfect replica of an ordinary hand saw’s handle from which hangs a long
carved chain, the links beautifully entwined. The man carved the whole thing
from a length of wood.
When I get ready to buy my next vehicle, I am going shopping
in Loma. The man who carves the “chain” saws also makes a broom with a diamond
willow handle and straws of native grass. It is just my kind of vehicle--classy
and easy on gasoline.
Sondra
Ashton
HDN: Looking
out my back door
April 12,
2012
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