Cat Fight—Middle of the Night
I woke up disoriented. Two voices squealed and shrieked. It took me a while to recognize Ruth, my prosthetic knee acquired in India six years ago, and Rosie, my Mexican hip of five weeks.
Who would believe titanium body parts could speak.
Ruth: I was here first. You act like you are so important, hogging all the attention.
Rosie: So what! You’re just a bully, always trying to boss me around. You had her to yourself for six years, selfish pig.
Ruth: Shut up! You’re such a prima donna.
Rosie: Oh, are your little feelings hurt? Metal mouth!
Ruth: Tin can!
Rosie: You are so “kneedy”.
Ruth: Big hippy!
Rosie: You welcomed me when I first arrived. I thought we were friends.
Ruth: Well, yes. But that was before you sucked up all the attention. Big baby.
Rosie: It’s not my fault. You’re used to having her all to yourself.
Ruth: Yes, I am. And I liked it that way.
Moment of ominous silence.
Ruth: Er. But you’re right. I suppose. In a way. Sorta. I guess we could share.
Rosie: We are supposed to support one another. That’s why we’re here—to help each other and to help her. Now I feel sort of sheepish.
Ruth: I admit it is easier for me in a lot of ways since you came to live here. Little things mostly. Like putting on shoes and socks. Everyday stuff.
Ruth: Yeah, I got a bit selfish.
Rosie: And I admit. I am sort of a show-off.
Ruth and Rosie together: But if we work together . . . (Giggles.)
Ruth: It will be easier for both of us. I think I got upset when Arturo, your personal terrorist, I mean, physical therapist, insisted that I do all the same exercises that you do. I’ve already done all that work once. But he’s smart. He wants to strengthen both legs.
Rosie: I understand. When her hip gave out, both legs lost strength. It is hard work for us now. But a few more weeks and I’ll be old news and she’ll ignore me.
Ruth: Just like she ignores me—most of the time, anyway. Sorry that my nose got out of joint.
Rosie: Don’t say that! She might decide to go get a new nose!
Ruth: Let’s take a walk. Or would you rather exercise first?
“Hey, you two. It’s still the middle of the night. Get back in bed. I love you both. Shut up and go to sleep.”
I never heard another peep.
HDN: Looking out my back door
March 12, 2015